Committee – Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Etc – A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Smile – A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Classic – A book that people praise but do not read.  
Programmer – An ingenious device that turns caffeine into code.
Nothing cures insomnia like the realisation that it is time to get up.
The glass is neither half empty nor half full. It is twice as large as it needs to be.
When life gives you a lemon, say 'Lemons? I like lemons. What else have you got?'
Some people live life in the fast lane – I live in oncoming traffic.