On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
A translated sentence from a Russian chess book: A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience, we recommend courageous, efficient self-service.
Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.
On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.
In the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.
In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
In a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
In a Bangkok dry cleaners: Drop your trousers here for best results.
In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today -- no ice cream.
In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such things, please do not read notis.
In a Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub.
In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass?
Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive Sideways.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
At a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
From the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Aets by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time, we regret that you will be unbearable.
In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.
