Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery: More like the sleaziest form of being too dumb or too lazy to come up with your own ideas, I'd say.
A penny saved is a penny earned: No, a penny saved is just a penny saved. Keeping something you already have doesn't equate to making or acquiring a new one by any stretch of the imagination. You're just cheap.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder: Fonder of the person who's replaced you in my life, maybe.
All that glitters is not gold: Did someone actually suggest that it was?
Everything happens for a reason: Delved into an area of research I'm tentatively calling "cause and effect," and have found promising evidence of a strong correlation.
The pen is mightier than the sword: Oh yeah? Want to test that one with me?
Good things come to those who wait: Generally, good things are earned by those who go out and get them. Worst advice ever.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush: I suppose there are ways to attribute value to a bird in hand, but I fail to see the worth of two birds, or even three for that matter, in any bush.
If it's not one thing it's another: Brilliant. Eloquent. The output of an obviously formidable and probing mind.
From the get go: I've witnessed a few beginnings in my time, and have also seen a couple of things start. Once, I was even present at an onset. But I sure as hell haven't ever been around at the "get go" of anything, and pray that I never am.
Hot as hell: Are you exaggerating? Just a little? Maybe?
Sooner rather than later: If you're in such a rush, why did you waste everybody's time saying all that? Wouldn't "soon" have sufficed? Or, so nobody can claim I'm unwilling to compromise, I'll even give you "as soon as possible." Does it really require the explanatory contrast? As if someone might've thought you meant sooner rather than tomatoes?
Same difference: You either don't know what "same" means, or you don't know what "difference" means. Which is it?
Cut off your nose to spite your face: People always hurl this accusation as if it's a bad thing. Frankly, it's not. If the face has it coming, adios nose. Small price to pay to teach the face a much-needed lesson.
Dirt poor: Okay, until I hear "filthy rich."
It's sink or swim: I'll float, thank you very much.
What's done is done: Oh! Is that how it works?
Beat around the bush: Huh? Trying to scare out those two prized birds?
Barking up the wrong tree: A very misleading phrase. I tried barking up the right tree and still got no better results than very odd looks from passers-by.
It's always in the last place you look: Nope. Not for me. I keep on looking long after I find it.
