If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government programme.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.